Isolating the Gay Gene

Funny new Mr. Fish via Truthdig:

Savage Love Letter of the Day

Here is a great example of why I love Dan Savage:

The Question:

Recently, I celebrated my first year of marriage to the most amazing man. When we first began dating, he told me that he enjoys open sexuality and wants swinging to be part of any partnership he's in. I regard myself as free-spirited and agreed to explore this with him. We delayed experimentation because I had a stressful job and I wanted to spend my limited free time with him instead of exploring our sexuality with multiple partners. My work situation changed, and we have since had about a dozen experiences in the past year. I have discovered that these situations are not a turn-on for me—in fact, they are a turnoff. I feel resentful after these episodes, and I don't feel like having sex for days. We have discussed this at length, and we have been seeing a counselor. Recently, we had a civil discussion wherein we discussed the possibility of him having these sexual experiences without me, since I do not find them compelling. This idea appealed to him. He proposed going to a sex party alone that very night.

Ever since then, I have been crushed by the prospect of my husband having a sex life outside of our relationship. Since we met, his sexuality has had an outward trajectory, rather than being relationship centered. Having a healthy sexual relationship with him is enough for me. He makes a good point that he has been straight about his desire for this lifestyle since day one, but I am still frustrated and horrified that my husband needs to have sex outside of our marriage. I can't help but feel hurt that I alone am not enough for him.

I'd appreciate your straight, honest feedback on this.

Sex Best One On One

Aaaaand, The Answer, which is classic Savage and the reason why this question should have been posed to some other advice columnist:

Straight, honest feedback: You are an idiot. Your husband informed you in advance about the "outward trajectory" of his sexuality; you knew going in that your husband could never be satisfied in a marriage that didn't involve "open sexuality" and swinging. Don't come crying to me now because the man you married wants to actually have sex with other people. You knew that before you married him, SBOOO, because he fucking told you so.

You're unlikely to encounter a marriage counselor who'll take your husband's side (nonmonogamy? boo!) over yours (monogamy? yay!), SBOOO, so I'm going to aggressively come to his defense: You're never going to convince your husband that one-on-one ought to be enough for him. Sorry. You're also going to have a hard time convincing him that you didn't deceive him in the run-up to this marriage. When he told you that monogamy was a deal breaker, SBOOO, you replied that you were "free-spirited" and willing to "explore." But, alas, circumstances beyond your control prevented you from embarking on any explorations until after the wedding, and only then—only after he married you—did you discover that your husband's sexual interests both frustrated and horrified.

How convenient.

Because if you'd been a little less stressed at work, SBOOO, maybe you could've made time for a little swinging before the wedding. Then you might've learned that nonmonogamy wasn't for you and been able to give this amazing man that information before he married your ass. Oh, but your work schedule didn't allow for premarital explorations, and now this amazing man has to decide whether to go through the hell of a divorce—knowing full well that he will be seen as the bad guy by all your relatives and friends, and 99.99 percent of marriage counselors—or give in to your emotional, sexual, and financial blackmail.

Want more evidence that you weren't negotiating with your husband in good faith before the wedding, SBOOO? How about this: You aren't negotiating with him in good faith now. So you recently had "a civil discussion" with him about the possibility of his going to sex parties alone—how many uncivil discussions have you had?—but then you were crushed when he wanted to take you up on this proposed compromise. So once again he wants to fuck around, once again you agree to his fucking around in principle, once again he proposes fucking around in earnest, and once again you lose your shit—only this time you go boohooing to an advice columnist and not a marriage counselor.

Sorry, SBOOO, you picked the wrong columnist. You want and always wanted a monogamous commitment. Free spirit, my ass. You are—surprise!—sexually incompatible. Divorce. Get it over with.

So, SBOOO, have you learned your lesson? Next time, try "Ask Amy's" Amy Dickinson (who lives just outside Ithaca) at askamy@tribune.com.

Oops

Just so you know, if you accidentally use dish soap in the dish washer, it makes a big, wet, sudsy mess. Now we all know!

Krista, You're Never Going to Believe Why We Hate Cilantro

This question and answer about cilantro is from Bon Appetit magazine and it means that, at least regarding one thing, I'm not crazy.

Dear BA Foodist,
Cilantro is everywhere, and I hate it. Is there another herb I can use in its place?
--Jessica Hatcher, Santa Cruz, CA

Dear Jessica,
Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The bad news: No, there really isn't a replacement herb for cilantro, also known as fresh coriander. Flat-leaf parsley looks similar, but the flavors couldn't be more different. I have a friend who minces a little basil, a little parsley, and a little mint to mimic the taste and texture of cilantro. She claims it does the trick. Having tried her salsa, I don't think so.

The good news? You're not alone. We all know someone who won't go into a room where cilantro is being served. Most of these haters describe the aroma and flavor as "soapy," and some scientists believe that there is a specific gene that causes such a reaction. Cilantro does lose some of its aroma when heated, but, unfortunately for you, it is most often served in its raw state.

There's more bad news, too. Cilantro is said to be the world's most widely consumed fresh herb, used in abundance in Latin America, India, China, Southeast Asia, Africa, and the Middle East. In the future, as cooking from those areas grows more and more popular in America, you're going to see lots more cilantro.

I Didn't Even Want to Know One Random Thing About You

I know. I did it, too. I resisted for a bit but then gave in. I listed a bunch of random things about myself. Even as I was doing it, I felt silly. What a weird way for me to update my "friends" from elementary, middle school, wherever. If they wanted to know about my currently unused professional license and my adoration of Dan Savage and Tovah, shouldn't they ask? Well, regardless, I did it.

DespairWair has a great tee for this new random things phenomenon.
The Washington Post and TIME both published articles regarding this trend. Here are a compilation of TIME's 25 Things I Didn't Want to Know about You and 25 More Things I Didn't Want to Know about You. Two of these are specifically for you, Rachel@Canada.

• I have been pooped on by a monkey
• I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last.
• Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
• I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog.
• I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
• Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.
• My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.
• When I die, I want a steaming hot Reuben sandwich shoved in my mouth during the open-casket part of the funeral.
• My friend Brian and I once brought home a dead opossum because we wanted to "stuff" it. We tried to cut off its head with hedge clippers, but it was late fall and the creature was far too frozen.
• I think it's frustrating that ChapStick tastes good when you put it on your lips and lick them, but if you just bite the ChapStick, it tastes like poison.
• On two separate occasions, I have returned to my dorm room drunk, with some form of cheese in my purse.
• When I was little, I pretended my bike was a horse named Satan.
• I find puppets to be one of the most satisfying ways of expressing myself.

And now, folks, a portion of my list with some additions.

• I'll drink nearly anything as long as its purported to be "good for me." For instance: raw, unfiltered apple cider vinegar; raw, fermented kombucha.
• I just vacuumed my neighbor's Dyson with my Dyson. I wanted to return a clean vacuum.
• I have been a NYS licensed funeral director for three years. It has been nearly a year since I have used the license.
• I like being a funeral director partly because I like to have weird and/or gross funeral director stories. Additionally, of all the macabre and horrifying things I have seen (and smelled), I have never been made physically ill while on the job.
• I was terrified of fire for 20+ years. I had to face my fear when I became a certified cremation operator and began performing human cremations. I am subsequently no longer afraid of fire.
• I love the First Family so much that sometimes it makes me giddy.
• I constantly play Scramble with my Mikus-in-law even though he is considerably better than me and beats me every time.
• It sometimes annoys me that Mikus is signed in to gmail or facebook or whatever but is hidden. I know you're there. Sometimes I have a question or something and emailing and waiting around for a response is wildly inefficient. ::huff::
  
• I have always wanted offspring although there's a good chance I won't have any. I'm convinced I shouldn't since I don't want said offspring to inherit my broken brain.
• I often wish I was married to Tovah.
• I am happily married to my husby, Jesse.
• I still use snr and have spread the snr to Chicago and Philadelphia and maybe further.
• I don't know what I am doing with my life.
• I love every spoken and written word that comes from Dan Savage.
• I love to cook and relish all compliments but I often do not like my own food.
• Spotting the new issue of GOOD magazine makes me jump and click my heels together.
• Tovah used to jump and click her heels together and this impressed me. I practiced and practiced and now I, too, can jump and click my heels together. Thanks, Tovah! And can you/do you still do this?
  
• I have four tattoos. If I had some money, I would have more. I'd like a full sleeve one day. My next tattoos will be in memory of Niki and my paternal grandmother.
• Little Niki has been gone nearly 7 years. Its hard to believe it has been so long. And that I am so old.
• I have a new friend! Her name is Erika and she is so much fun. She has funny stories and she wishes she had a robot to do errands for her while she is at work. Hilarious!
• Although I commuted from Ithaca to Syracuse for school, frequently drove from Ithaca to Endicott to see Jesse when we were still dating, and often took long, solitary road trips that I loved, lately I am annoyed to drive more than 20 minutes from home.
• I wish I could blog professionally.
• I am proud that I learned to ride a bike six months ago. Riding is so much fun that I'm sad I spent so many years resisting.
• I've recently been working on a list of goals I would like to attain while in therapy. The list is long and keeps lengthening. Uh-oh.
  
• When I'm stressed, listening to This American Life calms me almost immediately. Something about Ira's voice just soothes me. And when I'm sad, Reel Big Fish makes me feel better almost instantly. I don't care if its dorky.
  
• I miss Rachel@Canada. And I miss Rachel@Philadelphia. They're both wonderful and special in completely different ways and I need them both for completely different reasons.
• I hate cilantro. It tastes like soap. Why do so many people (you know who you are) want perfectly tasty food to have soapy-ness in it? Yick. I try not to cook with it if I can help it.
• I am totally anti-circumcision. I put this issue into two categories: 1. Just Leave Well Enough Alone and 2. Don't Cut Things off of Your Baby.
  
• This is probably far too many.
  

Sheyla Hershey's 38KKK Boobs are the World's Largest

From The Huffington Post:

28-year-old Sheyla Hershey of Brazil is the proud owner of the world's largest breasts -- with a staggering, life-threatening, and unfortunately-named bra size of 38KKK.

In May, ABC News reported that Hershey's breasts were 34 FFF after eight surgeries and one gallon of silicone. But she wasn't done yet. On her way to achieving her dream, she encountered certain roadblocks, like Texas law. The state limits the amount of silicone that one person put in their body because the implants could kill her. So she headed to Brazil, which has no such restrictions, and walked away with the breasts of her dreams.

Jeepers. I thought I had big boob related back pain. Thoughts, Tovah?


image via HuffPost

Really!?!: Michael Phelps

I love Seth Myers. He is dreamy and funny. Check him out; he's on a roll.



via NBC

A Day of Totally New Places!

What a fun day! Yesterday, J and I spent the day in Ithaca and did an couple of things we had never done before. We started with lunch with my mom and sister, Lauren at The Ithaca Ale House. The food is really good and, of course, they have a great selection of craft beers on draft.

Next, we headed to the Paleontological Research Institute's Museum of the Earth. For no apparent reason, I have never taken J there! Weird. Yesterday was the first day of a week-long Darwin celebration both at the museum and in Ithaca.

Darwin Day is an annual, international commemoration of the birthday and ideas of Charles Darwin, a British naturalist born February 12, 1809, and author of the seminal book On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection. This year celebrates both Darwin's 200th birthday, and the 150th anniversary of the publication of The Origin.

The Darwin exhibit was really interesting. I think the portion I enjoyed most was learning about his large family and their various talents and contributions to Darwin's work. Most of his children were at least somewhat if not extremely involved in his studies.

The Ithaca Beer Company was our next stop. Again, there is no sensible reason for this being our first trip to the brewery. Jesse loves craft brewed ale and we both love supporting local businesses so I don't know why we've never stopped in.

We shared a double flight which included the standard lineup (Nut Brown, Apricot Wheat, Pale Ale, CaskaZilla) and some special and/or seasonal brews (Winterizer, Gorges Smoked Porter, Flower Power, TEN). We picked up their newest installment in the Excelsior! beer series, alpHalpHa, which is a double honey bitter.

Before dinner at Viva!, we met my brother, Eric, at The Ithaca Coffee Company for some beer and catching up. The Ithaca Coffee Company is neat because they have coffee for me and beer for the boys. Plus they have a lounge/bar area so you can sit and relax.


The day was really fun and relaxing.

Also, Eric gave us some produce from the CSA. Check out this enormous carrot I ate for breakfast!


images via MOTE, IBC, and the ICC

Overheard in My Broken Brain

I hope you'll take whatever crazy you think I am with the knowledge that I am a little crazy. And that you'll allow a little leeway. I'm trying hard to be normal but sometimes it doesn't work.

I also hate cilantro. Please make a note.

I'm Pretty Sure Mikus is Good at Everything

You guys! Remember when I showed you the DIY ukulele and said it'd be great for Mikus? Well, that very ukulele was gifted to him for Christmas! He has assembled it and is playing. I dig it!

I just put this ukulele together. The varnish isn't completely dry, but I'm playing it anyway. Yay! I've never played one before. They're fun! Get yourself one! There's a bit of distortion thanks to my damaged microphone. I like it.

Mikus is great. He's always up to some tomfoolery. He's near the top of the list of my favorite people and I hope someday we don't live so damn far away from each other.

What He Said

I just can't do it as succinctly and cleverly as Dan Savage. You should just read what he says.

I'd prefer to see President Obama do away the White House Office of Faith-Based Initiatives—recently renamed the President's Policy Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships—but if this separation-of-church-and-state violatin' office is gonna exist, well, I'm pleased that Obama has appointed a fag to sit on it. Take that, Saddlebackers.

via Slog

Erika!

I'm really lucky to have made a new friend. Her name is Erika! and she uses lots of exclamation points! Here's some things that make Erika! great: she is funny and smart; she wears either the giantest boots with fuzzy lining or the teeniest sneakers with polka dots to work; she takes pictures of her bruises (like me); she's so interested in the health of the planet that she is always collecting a variety of recyclables from the trash and taking them home to recycle. Periodically, I ask her what she's thinking about. On at least one occasion, it was robots! Robots!

There's lots of other things I could list but I know I sound like I have a total crush on Erika! so I'd better stop now. I'm just excited to have a new friend; plus, its neat when you meet someone and hit it off right away!


p.s. Erika! Don't stop being my friend because I'm creepy. Please!?

Don't Be Shy, Men. This is Important.

And pretty damn funny. These guys really get into the, uh, activity. This is NSFW but for good reason. Enjoy.

via Slog

Overheard

Recently, I've started saying, "I dig it."

And Tuesday, after dealing with a particularly iring phone call with my insurance company, I said, "The insurance company is really harshing my mellow."

What has come over me?

Jesse Circa 1987

This is J in 3rd grade for "Crazy Day" at school. Look how hip and nonchalant. I love it. I bet you do, too.

This makes me want to reconsider what I said only days ago: "I have always wanted offspring although there's a good chance I won't have any. I'm convinced I shouldn't since I don't want said offspring to inherit my broken brain."

O. M. G., Christian Bale. Bring it Down a Notch!

Listen to Christian Bale lose his shit when the director of photography accidentally wanderes into the scene.

via TMZ

Nothing Cleans a Dyson Like a Dyson

Tonight, we borrowed P and E's Dyson because our vacuum cleaner barely works at all and our floors are atrocious. Keeping the "campsite rule" in mind, I wanted to return it in better condition than when we borrowed it. Hence, Dyson cleaning Dyson.

More, Please.

Bad Questions for Yahoo Answers is a hilarious collection of examples of how stupid people are. For instance:

Who would win a fight between a million army ants and a man with 10,000 cans of Raid?

Is Taco Bell real?

Why does every cat on earth respond to "kitty kitty?"

I strongly suggest that you drop what you're doing and find out what to do if you think you've given birth but you aren't sure. Yahoo Answers is absolutely the best resource to consult for such a circumstance.

Could There Possibly be an Explanation for This? If so... WHAT?

I don't understand.


via Slog

Overheard in the J and L House

Lisa: Jesse, will you throw this away for me, please.

Jesse: Don't you want to keep it?

Lisa: No. Its just hair and rosemary.