What He Said

I love you, B. I really do. But Michael Moore has got a point (or several):

Dear President Obama,

How outstanding that you've been recognized today as a man of peace. Your swift, early pronouncements -- you will close Guantanamo, you will bring the troops home from Iraq, you want a nuclear weapon-free world, you admitted to the Iranians that we overthrew their democratically-elected president in 1953, you made that great speech to the Islamic world in Cairo, you've eliminated that useless term "The War on Terror," you've put an end to torture -- these have all made us and the rest of the world feel a bit more safe considering the disaster of the past eight years. In eight months you have done an about face and taken this country in a much more sane direction.

But...

The irony that you have been awarded this prize on the 2nd day of the ninth year of what is quickly becoming your War in Afghanistan is not lost on anyone. You are truly at a crossroads now. You can listen to the generals and expand the war (only to result in a far-too-predictable defeat) or you can declare Bush's Wars over, and bring all the troops home. Now. That's what a true man of peace would do.

There is nothing wrong with you doing what the last guy failed to do -- capture the man or men responsible for the mass murder of 3,000 people on 9/11. BUT YOU CANNOT DO THAT WITH TANKS AND TROOPS. You are pursuing a criminal, not an army. You do not use a stick of dynamite to get rid of a mouse.

The Taliban is another matter. That is a problem for the people of Afghanistan to resolve -- just as we did in 1776, the French did in 1789, the Cubans did in 1959, the Nicaraguans did in 1979 and the people of East Berlin did in 1989. One thing is certain through all revolutions by people who wish to be free -- they ultimately have to bring about that freedom themselves. Others can be supportive, but freedom can not be delivered from the front seat of someone else's Humvee.

You have to end our involvement in Afghanistan now. If you don't, you'll have no choice but to return the prize to Oslo.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
MichaelMoore.com

P.S. Your opposition has spent the morning attacking you for bringing such good will to this country. Why do they hate America so much? I get the feeling that if you found the cure for cancer this afternoon they'd be denouncing you for destroying free enterprise because cancer centers would have to close. There are those who say you've done nothing yet to deserve this award. As far as I'm concerned, the very fact that you've offered to walk into the minefield of hate and try to undo the irreparable damage the last president did is not only appreciated by me and millions of others, it is also an act of true bravery. That's why you got the prize. The whole world is depending on the U.S. -- and you -- to literally save this planet. Let's not let them down.

What He Said: Bill Maher: New Rule: Smart President Does Not Equal Smart Country

You have GOT read this. I know its looks a little long but it'll only take you a few minutes. The emphasis is mine.

Huffington Post:

New Rule: Just because a country elects a smart president doesn't make it a smart country. A few weeks ago I was asked by Wolf Blitzer if I thought Sarah Palin could get elected president, and I said I hope not, but I wouldn't put anything past this stupid country. It was amazing - in the minute or so between my calling America stupid and the end of the Cialis commercial, CNN was flooded with furious emails and the twits hit the fan. And you could tell that these people were really mad because they wrote entirely in CAPITAL LETTERS!!! It's how they get the blood circulating when the Cialis wears off. Worst of all, Bill O'Reilly refuted my contention that this is a stupid country by calling me a pinhead, which A) proves my point, and B) is really funny coming from a doody-face like him.

Now, the hate mail all seemed to have a running theme: that I may live in a stupid country, but they lived in the greatest country on earth, and that perhaps I should move to another country, like Somalia. Well, the joke's on them because I happen to have a summer home in Somalia... and no I can't show you an original copy of my birth certificate because Woody Harrelson spilled bong water on it.

And before I go about demonstrating how, sadly, easy it is to prove the dumbness dragging down our country, let me just say that ignorance has life and death consequences. On the eve of the Iraq War, 69% of Americans thought Saddam Hussein was personally involved in 9/11. Four years later, 34% still did. Or take the health care debate we're presently having: members of Congress have recessed now so they can go home and "listen to their constituents." An urge they should resist because their constituents don't know anything. At a recent town-hall meeting in South Carolina, a man stood up and told his Congressman to "keep your government hands off my Medicare," which is kind of like driving cross country to protest highways.

I'm the bad guy for saying it's a stupid country, yet polls show that a majority of Americans cannot name a single branch of government, or explain what the Bill of Rights is. 24% could not name the country America fought in the Revolutionary War. More than two-thirds of Americans don't know what's in Roe v. Wade. Two-thirds don't know what the Food and Drug Administration does. Some of this stuff you should be able to pick up simply by being alive. You know, like the way the Slumdog kid knew about cricket.

Not here. Nearly half of Americans don't know that states have two senators and more than half can't name their congressman. And among Republican governors, only 30% got their wife's name right on the first try.

Sarah Palin says she would never apologize for America. Even though a Gallup poll says 18% of Americans think the sun revolves around the earth. No, they're not stupid. They're interplanetary mavericks. A third of Republicans believe Obama is not a citizen, and a third of Democrats believe that George Bush had prior knowledge of the 9/11 attacks, which is an absurd sentence because it contains the words "Bush" and "knowledge."

People bitch and moan about taxes and spending, but they have no idea what their government spends money on. The average voter thinks foreign aid consumes 24% of our federal budget. It's actually less than 1%. And don't even ask about cabinet members: seven in ten think Napolitano is a kind of three-flavored ice cream. And last election, a full one-third of voters forgot why they were in the booth, handed out their pants, and asked, "Do you have these in a relaxed-fit?"

And I haven't even brought up America's religious beliefs. But here's one fun fact you can take away: did you know only about half of Americans are aware that Judaism is an older religion than Christianity? That's right, half of America looks at books called the Old Testament and the New Testament and cannot figure out which one came first.

And these are the idiots we want to weigh in on the minutia of health care policy? Please, this country is like a college chick after two Long Island Iced Teas: we can be talked into anything, like wars, and we can be talked out of anything, like health care. We should forget town halls, and replace them with study halls. There's a lot of populist anger directed towards Washington, but you know who concerned citizens should be most angry at? Their fellow citizens. "Inside the beltway" thinking may be wrong, but at least it's thinking, which is more than you can say for what's going on outside the beltway.

And if you want to call me an elitist for this, I say thank you. Yes, I want decisions made by an elite group of people who know what they're talking about. That means Obama budget director Peter Orszag, not Sarah Palin.

Which is the way our founding fathers wanted it. James Madison wrote that "pure democracy" doesn't work because "there is nothing to check... an obnoxious individual." Then, in the margins, he doodled a picture of Joe the Plumber.

Until we admit there are things we don't know, we can't even start asking the questions to find out. Until we admit that America can make a mistake, we can't stop the next one. A smart guy named Chesterton once said: "My country, right or wrong is a thing no patriot would ever think of saying... It is like saying 'My mother, drunk or sober.'" To which most Americans would respond: "Are you calling my mother a drunk?"

What He Said: "Pat Robertson Can Suck It" Edition

Dan Savage:

Pat Robertson doesn't understand why gay issues "dominate the news," since gay and lesbians represent "a tiny, tiny fraction of our population." Here's the reason why gay issues dominate the news, Pat: because gay people are unhappy about being discriminated against, thrown out of the military, denied the right to marry, etc. Stop fucking with us—stop discriminating against us—and you'll hear a lot less about us and a lot less from us. Give us what we want—full civil equality—and the struggle for gay rights ends and gay issues no longer dominates the news. It's that simple. You can go right on hating us, Pat, and we can get on with our lives. But until that day comes...

Massachusetts' attorney general filed a lawsuit on Wednesday against the U.S. government that seeks federal marriage benefits for about 16,000 gay and lesbian couples who have legally wed in Massachusetts. The state is challenging the constitutionality of the federal 1996 Defense of Marriage Act, saying the law denies "essential rights and protections" to same-sex couples who have married since Massachusetts became the first state in the nation to legalize gay weddings in 2004.

The federal law interferes with the state's "sovereign authority to define and regulate marriage," according to the suit filed in federal court in Boston. It calls the law "overreaching and discriminatory."

The suit is the latest skirmish over gay marriage in the U.S. federal court system after handful of political filmmakers led by a Democratic consultant crafted a gay rights challenge in May that they hope will reach the U.S. Supreme Court.... Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley, who filed the suit, cited several benefits denied gay couples, including federal income tax credits, employment and retirement benefits, health insurance coverage, and Social Security payments.

"We view all married persons equally," Coakley told a news conference.

Read this slowly, Pat: DOMA discriminates against same-sex couples, same-sex couples or our allies sue, reporters write up the lawsuit, gay issues continue to dominate the news. No DOMA, no discrimination, no lawsuit, no news stories, no domination.

What He Said

I just can't do it as succinctly and cleverly as Dan Savage. You should just read what he says.

I'd prefer to see President Obama do away the White House Office of Faith-Based Initiatives—recently renamed the President's Policy Council on Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships—but if this separation-of-church-and-state violatin' office is gonna exist, well, I'm pleased that Obama has appointed a fag to sit on it. Take that, Saddlebackers.

via Slog

What He Said

Dan Savage:

Why didn’t NBC insist on Palin sitting down for a real, substantive interview—or, better still, calling a full press conference—as a condition of Palin appearing on SNL tonight? Candidates don’t go on Letterman, Leno, SNL, The Daily Show, et al, to take a break from the campaign trail. Comedy programs are stops on the campaign trail. Palin is running from the press, refusing to answer any questions, lying her ass off on the stump, and attacking the people who could call her on those lies—reporters, news anchors, cable news networks—at her rallies. So why the fuck should NBC allow Palin to reap the political rewards of an appearance on SNL if Palin isn’t willing (or able) to answer questions from NBC news reporters?

And now, ladies and gentlemen, Sarah Palin/Tina Fey/Sarah Palin:

via Slog

What He Said

Is anyone else experiencing some mild to moderate trepidation?

From The New Yorker's George Packer (emphasis is mine):

A number of people are afraid that the ugly tactics of the McCain-Palin campaign are going to incite violence, maybe assassination. Joe Klein, Andrew Sullivan, McCain’s former adviser John Weaver—even the ultimate sober-sided moderate David Gergen last night on CNN. I hope they’re wrong. It’s a big leap from hateful talking points and shouted epithets to vigilantism and the lone gunman. What’s undeniably true is that Republican rallies and the incendiary language of party leaders are stirring up the darker, destructive mob passions that have a long history in American politics. At the very least, the Republican ticket is making sure that, if Obama wins, he’ll be regarded as an illegitimate and dangerous President by thirty or forty per cent of the country.

Palin is too shallow to understand the weapon she’s playing with; she’s just thrilled to be the birthday girl and the object of so much semi-erotic devotion. But McCain knows better....

via Slog

Furthermore, not only does he know better, McCain is now attempting to control the wild, blood-thirsty beast he has created.

also via Slog

What He Said

From Slog:

This—the Bristol and Levi wedding registry—has to be a joke.

But then, this whole Palinightmare has to be a joke. Right? RIGHT?!?

(Regardless, I celebrate the "operation camo full bedskirt.")

Their JCPenney registry is hilarious and is complete with a camo diaper bag, American Flag Wall Art, and a meat grinder. According to the registry, the wedding date is November 4, Election Day! It'll be a busy day in the Palin household.

What He Said; Also: What? and WHY?

This might be bat shit crazy at its finest. From Slog:

Every once in a while on the great big internets, you just come upon something that reminds you Japanese culture is completely fucking nuts:

Fluffy Milk-chan” is a world of affable characters that live a cute and slightly mischievous lifestyle. The heroine is the laid back Fluffy Milk-chan, who has friends such as the fashionable Pink Milk-chan and the trendy Tanned Milk-chan.

They’re adorable stuffed breasts. You know, for kids. I especially like the comic strips. And does Miss Can Milk have a vestigial nipple?

Please notice Tanned Milk-chan's pierced nipple and Miss Can Milk's birthmark? Dysplastic mevis? Very small hat?

What Joe Biden Said

Today, from Joe Biden:

I hear all this talk about how the Republicans are going to work in dealing with parents who have both the joy, because there's joy to it as well, the joy and the difficulty of raising a child who has a developmental disability, who were born with a birth defect. Well guess what folks? If you care about it, why don't you support stem cell research?

via Slog

"You never know what's gonna pop out of Palin next." - Dan Savage

From CNN:

Sex columnist Dan Savage and author of the popular syndicated sex advice column "Savage Love," made his way to St. Paul, Minnesota, to attend the Republican National Convention where he is filming a piece for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher."

Planted in the CNN Grill, Savage shares his thoughts on John McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin, tells us what a sex columnist is doing at a political convention, and gives us his take on who's sexier, Democrats or Republicans.

Here are five questions for Dan Savage:

CNN: You're here because you're a lifelong Republican?

Savage: No, that's not true, actually. I'm a Democrat, although I am a registered Republican in Washington State, but just to drive the Washington State Republican Party up the wall.

CNN: Why are you here?

Savage: I was here to see if I could find any evidence of George W. Bush at the convention. And I found very little. There was that satellite feed. I bought this button [points to Dick Cheney button on his shirt]. This will be the only time you'll see Dick Cheney at the convention is when you see me walk by with this button ... I wasn't able to purchase it here ... I mean you talk to Republican delegates walking around, a lot of them will admit that George Bush has been a major disappointment and they're happy that he's not here. And one of the reasons that they're happy he's not here is that they don't want America reminded that four years ago and eight years ago, these same delegates ... thought George Bush walked on water.

CNN: Why would "Real Time with Bill Maher" send a sex columnist to cover the Republican National Convention?

Savage: Because when you're a sex writer in America you have to write about politics because politicians will not stop obsessing about it -- screwing around with people's sex lives. Often when I write about politics in "Savage Love," my sex advice column, people write to me and say, "you're a sex columnist, stick to sex." And I'll say -- I usually respond -- "I'll be able to stick to sex when politicians stick to politics and leave our sex lives alone, and stop politicizing our sex lives." But they do. And it's one of the major differences between the two political parties, our sexual issues. And so my view is very relevant, I feel very at home here.

CNN: Any thoughts on McCain's running mate choice?

Savage: I think Palin has been the clown car of the vice presidential nominee. You never know what's going to pop out of Palin next.

CNN: Who's sexier: Republicans or Democrats?

Savage: Well, there's just something about those Young Republicans. They're very sexy. They're very tense and nervous. I spoke to a lot of them because I've been running around the convention asking teenagers throughout the convention if they're virgins or not. 'Cuz I feel like I have a right to know because we've invested over a billion dollars in abstinence education programs under George Bush.


via Slog
image via CNN

What He Said on MSNBC

"Because John Bush -er, John McCain is very much his own man." Is he, Tom Ridge? Is he?

via Slog

What He Said: Why Snarky Palin's Pitbull Joke isn't Funny

From The Stranger:

One of the best new blogs on the national stage is Mudflats, an Alaskan blog that’s very anti-Palin.... Today, Mudflats examines the problem with Palin’s joke about being a pitbull with lipstick or what the fuck ever. Turns out that three weeks ago, Alaskan newspapers were all abuzz with this bit of current events:

Child Taken Off Life Support After Pit Bull Attack.

This was the big news story in Alaska for several days that week. A child and her babysitter were viciously attacked by the family pet pit bull. The owner surrendered the dog, waited for the girls father to return from his deployment in Iraq, and watched as his six-year-old daughter was taken off life support after she went into an irreversably vegetative state.

I don’t know how other Alaska residents felt about the pit bull joke, and obviously her audience loved it, but most of us here in “small town America” probably didn’t find it particularly funny.

What He Said

This may be NSFM (Not Safe for Mom).

From Dan Savage:

A question for the Palins: Your pregnant daughter “plans to marry the father.” That’s nice. Plans are great. I have long-standing plans to ass fuck Brad Pitt myself.

But does that horny kid of yours—the one you worked to protect from medically accurate sex education—plan to get married before the election? She could get married this afternoon. Quickie wedding, down at city hall. But if she wants a big wedding, well, that takes some doing. If that’s what she wants, Mrs. Palin, will you be able to take care your new infant, plan your daughter’s wedding, and run for Vice President all at the same time?

And if you and John McCain lose this election—or, hell, even if you win—what do you think the odds are that your daughter’s plans might change? Any chance that she’ll decide not to marry this Levi person after all?

What He Said

From The Stranger's David Schmader:

Sometimes Olympic triumph looks like an ugly halter top.

That, David Schmader, is a very good point.

via Slog

The Curious Cook Celebrates Cold Food

From Harold McGee, food nerd extraordinaire:

It lasted only a moment, but it was the most refreshed I’ve ever felt at the dining table. All of a sudden my mouth was shockingly cold, so cold that I could see my breath. As the cold dissipated I could sense acidity, astringency, the aroma of lime. Meanwhile, there was the sight of my companions, eyes wide open and vapor jets shooting from their lips and nostrils. Each of them looked like Yosemite Sam blowing his stack.

The morsels that had cleansed our palates and minds were a mixture of lime juice, green tea, vodka, sugar and egg white that was whipped into a light foam, portioned into spoonfuls, and frozen. At 320 degrees below zero. In liquid nitrogen.

Read the balance of his article and learn how to chill your room temperature beverages in a flash.


via Slog
image via Sustainable Design Update

July 25 Critical Mass Melee: What He Said

In the interest of providing access to both sides of the story, the full account of the incident from the driver's point of view is available here. And now an excerpt:

While a some cyclists I’ve spoken with have written Mark off as another indignant road-hog, Mark says he actually used to be a bike commuter when he lived in Seattle a few years ago. “I sympathize with [cyclists’] cause. I ride bikes too. I’m a liberal hippie democrat,” he says, adding “I’m gay, the person with me was a lesbian and we were a attacked by eco-terrorists. It’s the most Seattle thing that could have happened.

Do you have any thoughts or experience with Critical Mass? What opinions do you have?

My consideration on this issue continues.

What He Said

from Bob Cesca:

...The president ought to have good judgment. No shocker there. Judgment in this regard is the difference between, say, an invasion of Cuba leading to thermonuclear war or, on the other hand, a smarter, more sensible quarantine option. (Historians will forever hypothesize how Nixon, for instance, would have handled those 13 days.) Is certain behavior appropriate or obnoxious? If [John McCain] is unable to control himself and blurts out a joke about bestial rape or killing civilians despite the fact that there are reporters everywhere and he happens to be running for president, it goes a long way towards determining whether he's someone who we can trust to make snap decisions with global implications or whether he's simply a tweaking street loon who talks to invisible shadow people.

The president should know the difference between funny and not funny, or else -- stay away from the comedy. A sense of humor doesn't literally mean "the ability to recite a joke." Anyone can repeat a joke. But politicians like Senator McCain have managed to accumulate a captive audience of reporters who have to laugh at his jokes or else be tossed out of the barbeque loop. Consequently, he can tell one of his awful jokes and everyone in the corp snarfs up their cole slaw. This reaction has thusly given the senator the false impression that he's funny, when he's really not. The gorilla rape joke, for example, is only funny in the context of, say, a larger bit about unfunny jokes -- or bad comics who try way too hard to be funny....

via The Huffington Post

Let's Move on Already; Obama Doesn't Really Care That Much

On Larry King, Obama talked about The New Yorker cover:

Well, I know it was The New Yorker’s attempt at satire. I don’t think they were entirely successful with it. But you know what? It’s a cartoon, Larry, and that’s why we’ve got the First Amendment … You know, we’ve—one of the things when you’re running for president for almost two years is, you get a pretty thick skin. And, you know, I’ve seen and heard worse.

via Slog

I'm Pretty Sure McCain Doesn't Know Anything At All

In 1993, Czechoslovakia split into two nations: the Czech Republic and Slovakia. We pretty much all know that. Or so I thought. McCain referred to current events in Czechoslovakia TWICE in the past two days. They say your memory is the first thing to go, right?


via CNN Political Ticker

McCain, The Incoherent Mysogynist

From ThinkProgress:

Earlier this week, one of Sen. John McCain’s (R-AZ) top advisers, Carly Fiorina, argued for McCain’s free-market approach to health care by noting that “there are many health insurance plans that will cover Viagra but won’t cover birth-control medication” and that many “women would like a choice.” But, as ThinkProgress noted, Fiorina’s argument was undermined by McCain’s 2003 vote against legislation that would have required insurance coverage of prescription birth control. When asked about the disconnect on his campaign bus today, McCain nervously replied, “I certainly do not want to discuss that issue“:

Q: Earlier this week Carly Fiorina was meeting with a bunch of reporters and talked about it being unfair that insurance companies cover Viagra but not birth control. And -

McCain: I certainly do not want to discuss that issue. (uneasy laughter)

Q: But apparently you’ve voted against (McCain laughter continues)

McCain: I don’t know what I voted -

Q: Voted against coverage of birth control, forcing health insurance companies to cover birth control in the past. Is that still your position?

McCain: I’ll look at my voting record on it, but I have, uh, (5 second pause) , I don’t recall the vote right now. But I’ll be glad to look at it and get back to you as to why, I don’t -

Q: I guess her statement was that it was unfair that health insurance companies cover Viagra but not birth control. Do you have an opinion on that?

McCain: (after 8 second pause) I don’t know enough about it to give you an informed answer because I don’t recall the vote, I’ve cast thousands of votes in the Senate. I will respond to - it’s a, it’s a (nervous)

McCain’s stumbling answer is reminiscent of when he was asked in March 2007 about public funding for contraceptives and he could only reply, “whether I support government funding for them or not, I don’t know.”

Wow. McCain's floundering for a response to minimal pressure on this issue is so unbelievably inauspicious that its frightening. Yikes!

via Feministing