Re: Spring 2010

I'm about to be a professional student. Oh, shittrumpet....

via Natalie Dee and Rachel@Canada

Opposite Midge

Opposite Midge is my new name for my dear friend, Rachel@Canada. She is a sweet and wonderful friend and I would be a nearly-complete woman if she would move back to NY. I just wanted you to know how great and absolutely beautiful she is.

Also, you should absolutely be reading her blog, Rachel in Canada. Start with this one featuring me (the original Midge); also check out lettuce-eating Hazel and a funny miscommunication that sounds like it should have happened in the J and L House.

Canadian Rachel and I are the Same

1. Rachel@Canada has car troubles! I have car troubles!
2. Rachel@Canada just moved! I just moved
3. Rachel@Canada wants you to comment on her blog. I want you to comment on my blog.

Do what my friend and the kitten cat says only apply it to my blog.
Doooo it.

Comment on Rachel@Canada's blog, too, while you're at it.

kitten cat image via Rachel@Canada

I Wish You the Happiest Day

"I suppose you are real," said the Midge. And then she wished she had not said it, for she thought Raquel might be sensitive.

But Raquel only smiled.
-adapted from The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams

Happy, happy day to my friend Rachel@Canada.

A Song about an Anglerfish

You guys! This video is via Rachel in Canada. I actually didn't watch the video right away because the anglerfish in the beginning of the video is so frightening-looking. I am really glad I got over my concerns because this video and song is way more funny and educational than I could have imagined. Plus, any guy who writes a song about anglerfish is ok with me.

I Didn't Even Want to Know One Random Thing About You

I know. I did it, too. I resisted for a bit but then gave in. I listed a bunch of random things about myself. Even as I was doing it, I felt silly. What a weird way for me to update my "friends" from elementary, middle school, wherever. If they wanted to know about my currently unused professional license and my adoration of Dan Savage and Tovah, shouldn't they ask? Well, regardless, I did it.

DespairWair has a great tee for this new random things phenomenon.
The Washington Post and TIME both published articles regarding this trend. Here are a compilation of TIME's 25 Things I Didn't Want to Know about You and 25 More Things I Didn't Want to Know about You. Two of these are specifically for you, Rachel@Canada.

• I have been pooped on by a monkey
• I eat gummy bears by tearing them limb from limb and eating their heads last.
• Two of my best friends are under five feet tall and I have an intense fear of midgets.
• I think yoga is incredibly spiritual. I know the Lord is with me in my downward dog.
• I like to tape my thumbs to my hands to see what it would be like to be a dinosaur.
• Sometimes I think pee smells like Cheerios.
• My friends say that when they shave my back, I purr like a walrus.
• When I die, I want a steaming hot Reuben sandwich shoved in my mouth during the open-casket part of the funeral.
• My friend Brian and I once brought home a dead opossum because we wanted to "stuff" it. We tried to cut off its head with hedge clippers, but it was late fall and the creature was far too frozen.
• I think it's frustrating that ChapStick tastes good when you put it on your lips and lick them, but if you just bite the ChapStick, it tastes like poison.
• On two separate occasions, I have returned to my dorm room drunk, with some form of cheese in my purse.
• When I was little, I pretended my bike was a horse named Satan.
• I find puppets to be one of the most satisfying ways of expressing myself.

And now, folks, a portion of my list with some additions.

• I'll drink nearly anything as long as its purported to be "good for me." For instance: raw, unfiltered apple cider vinegar; raw, fermented kombucha.
• I just vacuumed my neighbor's Dyson with my Dyson. I wanted to return a clean vacuum.
• I have been a NYS licensed funeral director for three years. It has been nearly a year since I have used the license.
• I like being a funeral director partly because I like to have weird and/or gross funeral director stories. Additionally, of all the macabre and horrifying things I have seen (and smelled), I have never been made physically ill while on the job.
• I was terrified of fire for 20+ years. I had to face my fear when I became a certified cremation operator and began performing human cremations. I am subsequently no longer afraid of fire.
• I love the First Family so much that sometimes it makes me giddy.
• I constantly play Scramble with my Mikus-in-law even though he is considerably better than me and beats me every time.
• It sometimes annoys me that Mikus is signed in to gmail or facebook or whatever but is hidden. I know you're there. Sometimes I have a question or something and emailing and waiting around for a response is wildly inefficient. ::huff::
  
• I have always wanted offspring although there's a good chance I won't have any. I'm convinced I shouldn't since I don't want said offspring to inherit my broken brain.
• I often wish I was married to Tovah.
• I am happily married to my husby, Jesse.
• I still use snr and have spread the snr to Chicago and Philadelphia and maybe further.
• I don't know what I am doing with my life.
• I love every spoken and written word that comes from Dan Savage.
• I love to cook and relish all compliments but I often do not like my own food.
• Spotting the new issue of GOOD magazine makes me jump and click my heels together.
• Tovah used to jump and click her heels together and this impressed me. I practiced and practiced and now I, too, can jump and click my heels together. Thanks, Tovah! And can you/do you still do this?
  
• I have four tattoos. If I had some money, I would have more. I'd like a full sleeve one day. My next tattoos will be in memory of Niki and my paternal grandmother.
• Little Niki has been gone nearly 7 years. Its hard to believe it has been so long. And that I am so old.
• I have a new friend! Her name is Erika and she is so much fun. She has funny stories and she wishes she had a robot to do errands for her while she is at work. Hilarious!
• Although I commuted from Ithaca to Syracuse for school, frequently drove from Ithaca to Endicott to see Jesse when we were still dating, and often took long, solitary road trips that I loved, lately I am annoyed to drive more than 20 minutes from home.
• I wish I could blog professionally.
• I am proud that I learned to ride a bike six months ago. Riding is so much fun that I'm sad I spent so many years resisting.
• I've recently been working on a list of goals I would like to attain while in therapy. The list is long and keeps lengthening. Uh-oh.
  
• When I'm stressed, listening to This American Life calms me almost immediately. Something about Ira's voice just soothes me. And when I'm sad, Reel Big Fish makes me feel better almost instantly. I don't care if its dorky.
  
• I miss Rachel@Canada. And I miss Rachel@Philadelphia. They're both wonderful and special in completely different ways and I need them both for completely different reasons.
• I hate cilantro. It tastes like soap. Why do so many people (you know who you are) want perfectly tasty food to have soapy-ness in it? Yick. I try not to cook with it if I can help it.
• I am totally anti-circumcision. I put this issue into two categories: 1. Just Leave Well Enough Alone and 2. Don't Cut Things off of Your Baby.
  
• This is probably far too many.
  

Know How to Differentiate between Your Bearded Infant and a Bearded Midget

I hope my offspring will be healthy, happy and hairless about the face. Oh, and that it is not mistakenly confused with a bearded midget. That's all.

via Urf.

Dear Canadian Rachel

Love, Midge


via the rut.

Look What Canadian Rachel Made!

Its my husby lookin' so cool. Thanks, Rachel. This makes me laugh and laugh! I love it.

This One is for Canadian Rachel

from mental_Floss:

10 Famous Short People

1. James Madison, 5′4″ (Shortest President ever. He only weighed about 100 pounds.)
2. Charlotte Bronte – 4′9″
3. Charlie Manson – 5′2″ (Who knew such a little guy could be so terrifying?)
4. Danny DeVito – 5′0″
5. John Keats – 5′ and ¾ an inch
6. Edith Piaf – 4′8″
7. St. Francis of Assisi – 5′1″
8. Pablo Picasso – 5′4″
9. Alexander Pope – 4′6″ (Pope had tuberculosis which stunted his growth.)
10. Martin Scorsese – 5′3″ or 5′4″ (Sources vary.)

I chose this picture because you can see my pale, midgey, midge legs.
I chose this text because it, too, is sooo short.

Love,
Midge